I tried to pretend that this day wasn’t special, at least any more than any other day, but I couldn’t. I’ve been stronger than I thought with my emotions, fighting through the pain they caused my heart as I had the screw in my hip, the buckle in my knee, or the recent Caesarian section-like incision I received from the removal of my pelvic plate, but my levee broke today.
I had voluntarily blinded myself to the reality of my emotional pain, part out of necessity, part out of pride, but regardless, the pain remained, unengaged. However, the significance of this particular day forced me to right myself to my truth, and, facing it, I found a deeper strength. A strength I already had; stronger than any strength I could muster:
It was this strength, the pure, innate, and Universal strength of Love that kept me alive in the face of death a year ago today. For this, I can’t take credit. It was already inside me when I got here. It guided me through all other obstacles in the past, on that day, and since. Love gave me a reason to believe that what I was experiencing was an opportunity to better understand Life.
Whatever alternative methods I was using to find strength through my surgeries and therapies, however seemingly powerful, fell short. They would crack at the foundation, any “progress” quickly tumbling down the mountain of my own creation. Nothing as surefooted and deeply rooted as Love could help me now.
So I Live and let Love.
And it is this same Love, this same ever-burning Light I found in myself that I see in others; a reminder that I am not alone. We all share this Light, this Love, this God, this Strength. And we experience it together through Life: the greatest gift.
And Art, my Angel, giving me a way to give the gift back.
Today I give thanks for Life by using Love, my guide, to create Art, my gift.
Davis MacLeod Haines