I've Got a Thinking Problem

My name is Davis MacLeod Haines. I was born and raised in Alabama, I live in Chicago, I am in a band called whysowhite (whysowhite.com) and I believe in Love. This is my mind.

Posts tagged trauma

Jul 11

One Year

I tried to pretend that this day wasn’t special, at least any more than any other day, but I couldn’t. I’ve been stronger than I thought with my emotions, fighting through the pain they caused my heart as I had the screw in my hip, the buckle in my knee, or the recent Caesarian section-like incision I received from the removal of my pelvic plate, but my levee broke today.

I had voluntarily blinded myself to the reality of my emotional pain, part out of necessity, part out of pride, but regardless, the pain remained, unengaged. However, the significance of this particular day forced me to right myself to my truth, and, facing it, I found a deeper strength. A strength I already had; stronger than any strength I could muster:

Love

It was this strength, the pure, innate, and Universal strength of Love that kept me alive in the face of death a year ago today. For this, I can’t take credit. It was already inside me when I got here. It guided me through all other obstacles in the past, on that day, and since. Love gave me a reason to believe that what I was experiencing was an opportunity to better understand Life.

Whatever alternative methods I was using to find strength through my surgeries and therapies, however seemingly powerful, fell short. They would crack at the foundation, any “progress” quickly tumbling down the mountain of my own creation. Nothing as surefooted and deeply rooted as Love could help me now.

So I Live and let Love.

And it is this same Love, this same ever-burning Light I found in myself that I see in others; a reminder that I am not alone. We all share this Light, this Love, this God, this Strength. And we experience it together through Life: the greatest gift.

And Art, my Angel, giving me a way to give the gift back.

Today I give thanks for Life by using Love, my guide, to create Art, my gift.

Namaste,

Davis MacLeod Haines


Jan 25

Wake Up With Me

Tomorrow, when I wake up, I will officially be one week from the first of my last two major surgeries. This surgery, however, is much larger than the second. I am finally going to have my colostomy reversed.

Part of the aftermath of the accident was that I was going to live with a temporary colostomy (Wikipedia link for those interested). I had some organ damage in addition to the pelvic and femur fractures, but my family kept it to themselves out of respect for me.

Well, I am happy to tell y’all that I went to the trauma clinic today and my surgery is in fact next Thursday! Groundhog’s Day! I am so pumped!

I’ll be in the hospital for a few days afterwards until I am released to recover for about a month at home (and it better be a month, ‘cause I’m going to SXSW even if I show up like this). Once I heal/once I’m back from SXSW, they can do the less severe pelvic plate removal. Once I’m healed a week or so from that, I’m headed to Chicago for some unfinished business….

Now here’s where you come in.

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